Stupid Facebook Chat

Normally, I have an agenda while blogging and a fair enough idea on how to go about it. This time, the latter is missing. So, I'll just let it flow. This post about FB chat is based on the experiences of many, including myself. It's also a living testament to why we still love Google wholeheartedly. :D

Let's start. What makes FB chat so stupid and irritating? Well, there are two main reasons:

1. Absence of good features -- which makes it stupid.
2. Presence of annoying "friends" -- which makes it irritating. 

Absence of good features

    Hmm... where should I start? In front of Google Chat, FB chat is simply dumb. You cannot share things, set your status, or indicate that you are busy, away, etc. You may argue that when one can as well share things/update status on FB itself, why repeat that facility in the Chat box? Yes, true. But Chat Status is something like the single most important thing you want to convey to the world at that moment, not something you can afford to lose among the hundreds of posts in others' Feed.
    Apart from that, you cannot be Invisible on FB chat. This one thing bugs me a lot. Every time I want to check if a particular person is online or not, I have to be online myself. I really don't see the logic behind this. If this was intended to forcibly bring people online, well... dear Zucky, it's not working. Because most of the people choose to stay hidden anyway. But now, they cannot even freely chat with whom they want to.
    I almost forgot a small special thing about G-chat. You can chat off-record, a feature that can come really handy at times. Something that FB chat doesn't provide. :| Moreover, Google saves your chats conversation-wise so that you can delete your entire conversations with just a click. On the other hand, try deleting a conversation on FB -- the number of clicks grows O(N) with respect to number of messages in the conversation. Google FTW! Of course, this comes at a price, or put it differently, FB chat provides finer level of granularity. Geez, the amount of geekiness in this post suddenly increased! :D
    What else? You cannot use simple HTML formatting. You cannot voice call. And it breaks down soooo frequently, which can be really frustrating sometimes:

I hate it when I have to resend some messages, which screws up their order, which makes me look like a retarded noob. :|

    And yeah, how can I forget the "Seen hh:mm" feature! Hats off to Zucky for that one. I am sure this feature was suggested by some hard-core stalker, who happened to intern in FB. Embedding absolutely weird features, which can land users in embarrassing situations more often than not, is somehow an adorable thing to do. Huh!

Although strictly speaking this pic is out of context, but when you are bashing someone: fuck logic!

Presence of annoying "friends"

    We all have a few friends in our chat list who suddenly pop up when you are online, and without wasting any time they start annoying you -- irritating chat-boxes, as someone aptly said. The moment I see itchy lines like "Hey bro, sup?", or "Dude... how's life?," I feel like taking that "sup", "bro", and "dude", and shoving it... well, down his throat at least. :P It's not the most hospitable way to treat your FB friends, but that's how you feel anyway.

    Some try to show off from the word go. I really feel sorry for them. Why do you have to do that? I am happy talking normally with you. Actually, I would appreciate a lot if you'd be yourself, more natural than anything else. Heck, you don't even have to chat in english -- some of them foolishly equate usage of english with being modern/awesome/etc. And you surely don't have to put forth your vast knowledge of the latest in Computer Technology, just for the sake of chatting. *smh*

Reading this comic is much cooler than actually talking that way, especially with strangers.

    Needless to say, this problem is a lot more pronounced for the fairer sex, which behooves them to have a stereotyped version of a "FB-chat-guy". Let me tell you my own experience with a particular girl, who -- with some luck -- might as well be reading this post right now. Ouch!

    So, this girl -- a high-school acquaintance of sorts -- accepted my friend request a long time after I had sent it. I had even forgotten that I'd added her. But anyway, from her profile/photos/etc., she looked like a pretty cool, fun-loving, and frank girl -- not the usual "female" FB girl. On a fine afternoon, I saw her online, but I was busy working (yes, damnit! I was) and I thought she might be too, so I didn't disturb her. After a couple of hours, she was still online. So finally I considered casually asking her about her whereabouts, etc., and I pinged her, "Hey XYZ..." As some of you might have guessed, she went offline without replying. Yes, I am still waiting for her reply :D I guess she doesn't believe in this:

    I came to know later that many girls do that (even some guys do that to other guys), which is perfectly fine, thanks to that stereotyped image in their minds or just plain rudeness. But the problem is: it made me look like a despo douche-bag. Now, that isn't fair, is it? I would have loved a kinder response for sure -- even a quick "busy... ttyl", or a rusty "f*** off, will ya?" would have sufficed. But then, that's how FB can be really annoying sometimes!

PS: None of the above shit applies to my close friends. They can start the conversation any damn way they want -- bro, sup, duuuuuuuude, gandu, etc. -- anything goes! Lovingly yours. :-)